did you or did i?

you claim to know me,
the toxicity i grew up with
the toxicity i built in me.
the pain it took me,
the pills it took me,
the time it took me,
to leave it all behind.

and yet,here i am,
spewing words i shouldn’t,
making me hate myself.
making me hate you.

you left me alone,
alone to swim against,
hold on and keep afloat,
i only gave up when it got too heavy.

you turn things around in a day,
like this is how you are,
like it always was.
making my hate, toxic.
making me, toxic.

you claim to know me,
yet you always leave me alone,
what echoes are my words,
what remains are my words.
words you throw back at me,
like you did no wrong.

you claim to know me,
you claim to be different.
yet you always leave me alone,
yet you only remember my words.

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